Summertime Sadness
by raspberryjukebox
Summary: 'I will always come back to you, Hermione.' When true love dies, does the bond die with it? DH never happened.


**This story is for iCyou, who's taught me many important things- mainly, why you should NOT eat Jello.**

**Song isn't mine. 'Summertime Sadness' by Lana Del Rey. Go check it out!**

**Damnit. Characters aren't mine, either. Sigh.**

_Kiss me hard before you go,_

_summertime sadness._

_I just wanted you to know,_

_that baby you the best._

* * *

Summertime Sadness

She rolled over in bed, burying her face in the pillow next to hers.

_His_ pillow.

Hermione's tears quickly soaked through the cover, and she tried to suppress the sobs that racked her body. Draco would hate it if she gave into this black hole of grief. So, for him, she tried to resist. Taking in a deep breath, she could taste his scent on her tounge. Deep, musky pipe tobacco and pine. Fresh parchment, old books. A hint of rain. And that edge that was purely Draco, that she could never define.

Gods, did she miss him.

Hermione gave in to her horrible misery, and her hysterical sobs bounced around the room, mocking her. If Draco'd been there, he would've slipped underneath the covers with her and clutched her to him, grounded her. His palm would've stroked her head, her hair, and he would've whispered soothing words in her ear. Hermione's face would be buried in his neck, soaking it with tears, but Draco wouldn't care.

And when she calmed down, he would've moved his hands to her waist and tickled her until she was gasping with laughter. Yes, if Draco was there, she'd drift off into sleep with his arms in a protective cage around her, feeling safe and warm and content and loved and-

But Draco wasn't there this time.

After what seemed like hours, when Hermione had cried every single tear her body possessed, she sat up. Staring blankly at the picture of her and Draco on her nightstand, kissing sweetly and dusted with snow, she smiled sadly.

* * *

_"Look out, Granger!"_

_Draco grabbed her arm and tugged her away from the oncoming sled Hermione had her back to. He sighed, pretending to be exasperated, and wound his arms tight around her waist. Hermione rested one hand on his chest, the other reaching up to clasp the back of his neck._

_"What am I going to do with you?" Draco whispered, and the world narrowed down to his lips, his strong frame, his stormy eyes... Hermione looked up at him through her lashes and her lips quirked up into a little smile._

_"Put me somewhere safe," she answered. And their lips just touched, so light that it was hardly a kiss. Hermione felt Draco's barely there smirk, and she matched it with her own, and they pressed closer, deeper-_

Flash_!_

_The light of the camera brightened the darkening evening, set the kissing couple glowing, and faded. Hermione broke away from Draco to see Ginny standing there, with a camera and an evil grin. Hermione groaned, burying her face in Draco's neck, and he put his head on top of hers, laughing._

_"Alright, Red, you got us. Now off you go."_

_Ginny just smirked, threw them a wink, and flounced back over to where Harry lay, collapsed in the snow, exhausted._

_And with that, Draco turned back to Hermione, and the couple quietly lost themselves in each other on a hill in the middle of nowhere, couples and little kids zooming around them gleefully._

* * *

Hermione finally found it in her to shuffle slowly out to the kitchen. She entered the room to see Luna and Ginny seated around the small square table.

Gods, did she wish that one of the chairs was filled by Draco.

The girls jumped to their feet when Hermione entered the room, and winced at her tear-stained face. There was complete silence as she pulled out a chair and sat down heavily. They waited.

Very, very quietly, Hermione spoke. "How did it happen, Ginny?" She didn't meet the redhead's eyes, just stared into her lap. Hermione toyed with the silver ring with the dragon etching on her thumb. Draco had liked to wear it on his little finger, and she would always play with it during their lazy moments.

Images flashed in front of her eyes of them sprawled across the bed, a mess of legs and arms and her hair, everywhere. On the couch, tangled up together, Hermione's head on his chest.

Ginny's pained voice pulled her out of her reverie, back into her now-bleak world.

"As you know, Draco, Dean, Seamus, Padma, Cho, and Neville were trying to infiltrate Malfoy Manor. Since the Death Eaters have been using it as headquarters, Harry said that the Order wanted a team to scope the place out. Draco tried to tell them that it was useless, and that it would be surrounded and protected by layers of Dark magic... Moody decided that meant Draco was still on the Death Eater's side, and challenged him. Said maybe Draco was 'missing Mommy and Daddy and Auntie Bellatrix'."

Hermione looked up sharply, fury etched into her face. Her glare could've murdered a basilisk.

"After everything he has- he _had_- done? After all the rescue missions, telling us everything he knew about the Death Eaters, taking all of the tests to prove he was on our side? He said that? How _could_ he?_!_"

"Hermione, it's _Moody_. You know how he is. And I definitely agree with you, it was completely ridiculous. But anyway, Draco changed his mind- albeit grudgingly- and said that he would lead the mission. He would know where everything was, the secret entrances, places they could hide, everything."

Hermione nodded absent-mindedly, still seething with rage and grief. Moody and her were going to have a little chat, soon, and he would be leaving with less of his nose than he started with.

"-were apparently tipped off about the mission by someone, and the Death Eaters were waiting for them. Draco managed to get everyone out before they were killed, but apparently the wards were really Dark and required a sort of sacrifice, since everyone had escaped. Since he was the only one left, Draco had to pay the price. When he didn't come back right after them, Neville and Seamus returned to the Manor."

"And?" Hermione's voice was quivering.

"And Draco's body was outside the gates."

* * *

_Hermione rushed down the stairs of number 12, Grimmuald Place. Streaking past Mrs. Black, whose shouts of "Mudbood filth!" went unnoticed, she skidded into the kitchen where the Order meeting was just starting. She stared up and down the benches, not noticing the sorrowful looks on people's faces, looking for one person in particular. When she didn't see him, she swallowed hard and gripped her wand tighter in her hand._

_"W-Where's Draco?" She demanded, eyes still flitting about, looking for hints of his arrival. Everyone else was back from the mission, they were all seated at the table, looking- looking-_

_Padma had tears running down her face, which was smudged with dirt and blood. George was unusually stoic, staring hard at the parchment in front of him. Ginny's head was buried in her arms and her shoulders shook softly. Harry had his hand on her back, and was rubbing soothingly._

_"...Harry? Where's Draco?"_

_He stood, suddenly looking decades older, and walked over to Hermione. Taking her hands, he met her desperate gaze and swallowed hard, knowing he was about to tear his best friend's life apart._

_"Malfoy got everyone out of the Manor alive. But... I'm so sorry, Hermione. He didn't make it." Harry squeezed her suddenly icy hands in his warm ones, waiting for the truth to hit._

_Hermione's eyes were unfocused. What- Draco? Draco was... Was _dead_?_

_"No," she gasped._

_"I'm so sorry," Harry whispered, and he folded her into his arms. Hermione couldn't understand, no, the mission was supposed to be low risk, Draco said he'd be back, he'd promised-_

_"No..." she moaned, pushing away from Harry and running out of the kitchen, tears streaming down her face as she blindly made her way back up the stairs, not caring where she ened up._

_Back in the room, Harry sighed. Sitting down next to his fiance, he put his head in his hands and groaned._

* * *

Hermione sat against the wall in their closet, hidden behind Draco's robes. They smelled like him, and she breathed deeply.

Wiping away the tears streaming down her face, Hermione took another swig from the bottle of Firewhiskey.

* * *

_The couple sat on a ragged quilt beneath the weeping birch, laughing as they tried (and failed) to throw grapes into each other's mouths. The sun was slanting over the horizon, sending it's glorious golden rays onto the pair._

_Draco's silvery hair seemed to catch fire, as bright and pale as moonlight, and the honey streaks in Hermione's chestnut locks shimmered softly. He tucked an awry curl behind her ear and leaned forward to catch her lips in a playful kiss._

_**_._**  
_

_Later, when the sun had set, Draco was sitting with his back against the tree and Hermione leaning against his chest. He sighed._

_"There's a mission tomorrow."_

_Hermione twisted around slowly, until she was face-to-face with him. "Oh? What's the mission?" She tried to keep her tone nonchalant, but couldn't stop the edge of worry and fear from creeping in._

_"Longbottom, Thomas, Finnigan, the Ravenclaws, and myself are going to break into the Manor to gain information on the amount of Death Eaters there at a time, how often the Dark Lord is present, and anything else that we can. The information will be vital to launch an attack." His tone was grim, and determined._

_Hermione's eyes widened in horror, and she raised one hand to clutch his collar. "Draco, you can't do that. That's a suicide mission!"_

_He covered her hand with his, bringing it up to his mouth to kiss her palm. "I know everything there is to about that damned house. I did live there for seventeen years, Hermione. I've only lived in the damned 'house of the most ancient and stick-up-their-arses Black' for three. And being a Death Eater the last year I was there, I know their schedules. I know where they meet. Everything'll be alright."_

_Hermione barely heard a word of his reassurance, her breathing quickly escalating, panic setting in._

_"Don't go, Draco. Please."_

_"I have to, love. They'd get killed without me."_

_"Then... Then take me with you!"_

_Draco's hand tightened around hers._

_"Absolutely not."_

_"Damnit, Draco, I've been in the Order longer than you've been- since I was fifteen! My position is just as high as yours!"_

_"That's irrelevant. You don't deal with these kinds of missions, you know that. You're better in battle, and training the new recruits, and in healing. You're more useful than me, except in reconnaissance missions."_

_Hermione knew he was right, but that didn't change her feelings. This would not- could not- end well. Placing her hands on either side of his face, she looked deep into his eyes._

_"I can't lose you, Draco."_

_His arm wrapped around her waist, the other around her shoulder, and he tucked her head under his chin._

_"You will never lose me, Hermione. I promise- I will _always_ come back to you."_

* * *

For the first time, the smell of the earth repulsed Hermione.

Standing next to Draco's ebony and silver casket, the pile of dirt mocking her almost as much as the hole in the ground next to it, she could feel a panic attack coming on.

Everyone was looking at her, waiting for her to 'send Draco home'. For her to wave her wand and shut him inside the earth, trap him under the dirt, leave him there to be devoured by parasites and worms.

Waiting for her to erase him.

The tears streaming down her face, she slowly raised her wand, hand shaking violently, and pointed it at his eternal resting place.

'_Goodbye, Draco. I love you_.'

A violent sob burst through her lips, and she dropped her arm, burying her face in her hands. Murmurs behind her, a comforting hand laid on her shoulder, and again she was running. Running through the mass of black blindly, struggling to breathe.

If Hermione buried him, she buried their memories, their kisses, _them_. She couldn't do that.

She wouldn't.

* * *

_The room was dark and cool, but the body she was snuggled against was warm. Draco's arms surrounded her, and Hermione was drifting slowly into oblivion. But not quite yet- she needed to tell him something, urgently._

_"Draco?" She murmured._

_"Yeah?" He whispered back._

_"I love you."_

_His arms tightened around her back, pulling her tighter to his body._

_"I love you too, Hermione. I love you too."_

_She welcomed oblivion with a smile on her face._

* * *

Hermione was finally falling asleep, after hours of staring blankly at the ceiling. All she could think about was the gaping black hole, torn into the earth, hungry and ready to swallow her truest of loves...

In her dream, everything was black and silent, but Hermione didn't mind. She wasn't frightened, because she could feel _his_ arms surrounding her, feel the love emanating from his warm body. And she could feel, rather than hear, his whisper.

'_I'll come back to you, love. I swore it to you, didn't I?_'

When she woke, she could feel the sunlight streaming warmly across her face. But Hermione hesitated in opening her eyes. For one small, heartbreaking second, she imagined that, were she to roll over, she would come in contact with Draco's hard body, and he would pull her into his arms...

Hermione opened her eyes and entered her painful reality.

* * *

_Death Eaters were everywhere, far outnumbering the small group of Order members. Still, they were fierce fighters, and the Dark warriors fell quickly. Hermione herself was taking down so many black-cloaked opponents that a small pile of Death Eaters was growing around her. With her fury to drive her on, she was deadly, aiming to kill rather than Stun._

_After all, that's what they'd done to Ron, wasn't it?_

_"Hermione, NO!" The voice of Remus Lupin rang out behind her, quickly followed by his hand on her shoulder, spinning her around to face him._

_She shook his hand off violently, stepping back, tears of rage and grief flowing freely down her pale face._

_"Leave me alone, Lupin!" She screamed at her old professor and friend, clenching her wand in her fist. She would not be deterred from her mission of vengeance._

_"We need them _alive_, Hermione. Don't stoop to their level! I know he was your best friend, Hermione, but you have to think rationally!" His plead to her was no more than a poorly masked order, and he waved someone behind Hermione over. She took advantage of his distraction to curse a Death Eater coming their way._

_"Draco, get her out of here, NOW!"_

_Hermione snapped her head up, turning swiftly, but strong hands were on her shoulders and she was being turned the other way, into a void of darkness._

_When the space around her solidified, she was pounding her fists against the chest of one Draco Malfoy, who's firm grip on her shoulders kept her from escaping. She was shouting, screaming at him to let her go, to let her have her revenge, until her grief was too much._

_Her knees gave out under her, but Draco caught her, sliding them slowly to the floor. She found herself sobbing brokenly into his chest, and his hand was stroking her back._

_"I'm so sorry, Granger. I'm so sorry." His voice cracked with emotion, catching her attention, and she blinked through the haze of tears to stare into his aristocratic face. He raised a hand and, with a gentleness that astounded her, wiped away a few of her tears. Malfoy had been civil to her since he'd joined the Order, yes, but never this kind._

_"He was my best friend," Hermione whispered, begging him with her eyes to understand her pain. "My best friend." He nodded, brushing his thumb over her cheek again, and his eyes said that he understood. She collapsed back against his chest, weeping, and the unlikely pair sat there for what must have been hours, on the cold floor of a hallway in number 12 Grimmuald place._

* * *

Hermione stood next to Ginny in the kitchen, slicing potatoes and directing the chicken into the oven with her wand. They worked together in silence, Hermione's eyes heavily bagged and her complexion paler than ever before. Ginny realized how little she really understood about how Hermione was feeling. Sure, she'd lost loved ones- two brothers, and many friends- but she still had the love of her life at her side, to touch and kiss whenever she wanted.

Hermione had lost the man she'd loved more than anything in the world, and Ginny could see the toll it was taking. Could a person survive when half of their heart was missing?

With a pat on Hermione's arm, Ginny gathered the plates and swept into the dining room, laying them out. Arms went around her waist from behind, Harry's familiar smell warming her heart, and she leaned back into his sturdy weight. He kissed her cheek, saying nothing, and tears completely unrelated to the sweet gesture sprang to Ginny's eyes.

* * *

_It seemed to Hermione that Malfoy was paying her a lot more attention than usual. After he'd comforted her on the floor, he'd swept her into his arms and brought her to her room. He'd tucked her into bed like she was a small child, and that night Hermione dreamt of silver eyes, and blood._

_Since then, he'd been much kinder to her, and hadn't mentioned her embarrassing episode on the floor, of which she was immensely grateful for. She appreciated his comfort that night, when she finally allowed herself to grieve the death of her best friend, but Hermione didn't want to be coddled._

_Often, she found herself looking up at dinner to see Malfoy sitting quietly next to her, shielding her from the loudness of the people gathered, their laughter and their pitying looks. Sometimes Hermione would be in the library, studying some ancient text on Dark magic so gruesome it made her nauseous, and Malfoy would be in the armchair across from her._

_Sometimes they'd chat. Laugh softly._

_He'd started to call her Hermione, and she would call him Draco._

_Hermione found herself stealing appreciative glances at his chiseled body, his handsome face. Lately, she noticed him doing the same._

**_._**

_One night in the library, she'd been reaching for a thick book with a blackened cover, when his shout made her jump and whip around._

_"DON'T TOUCH THAT!"_

_Draco was running towards her, panic on his face, one arm outstretched desperately. Hermione was flabbergasted._

_"What's wrong with that book?" She demanded when he reached her side. Her eyes widened when he gently grasped her shoulders and turned her away from the shelf, walking them back towards the sitting area._

_Draco, hands still on her shoulders, closed his eyes. Through gritted teeth, he said, "All of the books on that shelf will kill any Muggleborn that touches them. The only reason that they're even still there is that the magic of the house feeds them, and we've been unable to move them because of it. Dunderheads. They couldn't even put up a sign?" He looked angry, far angrier than Hermione would've thought he could be about it._

_"Well, thank you for saving me then, Draco." Hermione was slightly breathless. Only she could endanger her life in a library._

_Draco's hands were _still_ on her shoulders, fingers gently digging into her skin. Something in the room changed, and the air was suddenly charged by a_ _strange, enchanting electricity._

_Noticing this, Hermione glanced up hesitantly. His gray eyes were smoldering, seductive, and she involuntarily gasped._

_He took advantage of her open mouth and pressed his lips gently to hers._

_Hermione was stunned, at first not responding. When what was happening caught up with her, she threw herself into the kiss, bringing her hand up to his __cheek, the other around the back of his neck, fingers playing softly with the little hairs there._

_After an age, they broke away, just staring into each other's eyes. Draco smiled at her, looking young and happy, and she answered with her own._

_"At least," Draco murmured, "it gave me an excuse to do something I've wanted to for a while now."_

_And with that, he pulled her back to him, their lips clashing, passion growing steadily._

* * *

Hermione had tried. Tried _so hard_. But the agonizing grief just wouldn't recede.

Six months after Draco's death, and she still felt the pain of the moment when Harry had told her.

'_Just be strong_,' they had said to her. '_You'll start to move on soon enough_.'

Bloody fools. Move on? Move on from Draco, from the love that they'd shared, from everything they'd been through together?

'_Things will get better with time_,' they'd said. Hermione gave a mirthless chuckle. Things would never get better. And she couldn't, wouldn't, withstand the years of pain sure to come, couldn't, wouldn't, do it without Draco at her side.

She sat on the edge of their bed, in her cozy cotton pajamas. Wand in her hand.

Deadly curse on her mind.

She would have no trouble doing it, of that Hermione was sure. She'd said the curse many times before, and if Dumbledore was to be believed, shredded her soul beyond repair.

But she didn't think so, somehow. Draco had been the salve that healed her torn soul, the light at the end of her tunnel when things became unbearable. He was her rock. Her shelter.

And now? He was gone. Hermione was out in the open, cold and fragile as a glacial wind whipped around her, tossing her hair about and causing her to shudder. She needed her warmth back.

A smile on her lips, an apology on the piece of parchment at her side, she raised her wand to her temple.

* * *

The light was dazzling.

Hermione stretched out her arms in wonder, reveling at the liquid feeling as she completed the movement, the utter grace in her limbs. A huge smile spread  
across her face, and she felt completely, utterly content.

"Hermione, love."

Immediately she was turning around, wanting desperately to see the face that she knew went with that voice. Soft gray eyes were the first thing she saw, and a bubble of ecstatic laughter escaped from her mouth.

And she was in his arms, home at last.

"Draco, oh gods, Draco..."

Hermione couldn't stop looking at him. So very handsome in life, he was magnificent in death, the lines creased in his face from worry gone, a gentle, loving smile playing across his lips. She wanted to kiss those lips.

So, she did.

Seconds, hours, days, months, centuries, eons later, they separated.

Hermione nuzzled her face into Draco's neck, absorbing his familiar smell. Pipe tobacco, pine, rain...

"I'm sorry, Hermione." Draco's voice was light, but had an edge of shame.

She leaned her head back, to meet his beautiful eyes. "Why?"

"Because I broke my promise to you. I told you that I would always find my way back to you. I tried, Hermione, I did. I couldn't become a ghost, because I didn't want to condemn us both to that future, so I visited you in your dreams, trying to find a way..."

Hermione was shaking her head slightly, gentle smile on her lips. "Draco, I know. I know."

They stood in comfortable silence for a little longer, when Draco suddenly smirked.

"I guess I should've know," he said playfully, "that if I couldn't find my way back to you, you'd find your way to me."

With a brilliant smile, Hermione leaned up and touched her lips to his. Against them, she whispered, "Always."

* * *

**I hope everyone enjoyed!**

**The credit for Draco's brilliant last line goes to iCyou! Go check out her story, 'Bruises of the Midnight Rose'!**

**Thank you for reading, and please review!**

**Cheers,**  
**Raspberryjukebox**


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